Illinois Civil Union Question

Last night I received a question regarding the new process for Civil Unions in Illinois that will be effective June 1st.  The question came from one of my best friend's sister in laws.  It got me to thinking that it's really hard to figure out how to go about something when there are new laws in place.  It's not like they are publishing the rules in the newspaper.  Or like people read newspapers.  I'm a compulsive public radio listener and unless All Things Considered, Marketplace, or The World has talked about it, I need to look it up.

It also got me to thinking that I should have a question and answer section of my blog.  As a Researcher by trade, I trust myself to be able to find the answers people need quickly and legitimately.  So if anyone has any wedding-related questions about weddings in Minnesota, same-sex weddings, or creative weddings--shoot 'em my way!

Back to the IL Civil Unions question--Jen wrote:

Hello, I was hoping I could ask you a few questions. I know that you and your fiancé are getting married in just a few months. As I’m sure you know, Illinois is passing Civil Union laws and I have girlfriend, girlfriends, who are planning on getting married. They are going to city hall and getting their certificate and then a few days later they are having a ceremony, which I know you have to wait at least one day to have a ceremony. But my question is, by them going and getting the certificate, is that all they need to be married by the state? Or is the ceremony needed and does an officiate need to be present? I’m not sure if you have the answers, but if you have any insight or a website that you can direct me to, please do.

Thanks,
Jen
and congrats

My answer:

Hi! Thanks for the congratulations!
 

My understanding is that they just need to go to City Hall and obtain a license from the city clerk. They could also choose to exchange vows before a secular or religious official (if the religion approves of same-sex unions) and then they can register their union. I don't believe that there needs to be an officiant present. What I'm not sure on is if the registration process is the same process as the obtaining the license from the clerk. I imagine it is. They could call their local city clerk to find out if they wanted to be certain. They should also ask if they will need a witness. We are having a friend officiate our ceremony even though it isn't legal just because we want to have a traditional ceremony.

If they plan to change their names they should also start that process in advance of getting the civil union license. I am not sure if Illinois has a process in place yet for name changes upon application for a civil union. In Minnesota, Jesse and I will be able to change our names using one name-change application because our main residence is within Minneapolis, where there is Domestic Partnership recognition. It's basically the one things we get that is just like an opposite-sex couple. Assuming that both of the members of that couple were changing their names, which is pretty rare. Still, it's kind a big deal, symbolically at least.

What I suggest same-sex couples do if they want to have the licensing be part of the ceremony, if they have already obtained the official license at City Hall, is to have an artist create a marriage license or poster for all the guests present at the ceremony to sign. It can be something as simple as a frame with the Civil Union license copied onto a larger piece of paper with lines underneath it. Jesse and I will have one of these for guests to sign at our wedding and it will say something like, "Witnesses to the Marriage of..." Of course I'm still designing our invites that need to get out this week so I'm not really sure if it will Actually end up looking like that for ours. I've seen a lot of other couples do it though and I think it's lovely. There are a ton of people who make posters like this on Etsy if you search under Marriage Poster or Certificate. Here is an example.

I hope that that was helpful for you! Let me know if you have any other questions!

Cheers,

Alyson

And here is a link to another post about marriage poster guestbooks!

Marriage Posters

Marriage Poster, Contracts, and Witness Certificates are a great way to involve your guests and show them that they are there to bear to witness to your ceremony because they are the most important people in your lives.  A nice poster placed strategically at the entrance way to your ceremony can also serve as a guest book.

I also think that these certificate-like or poster-style items create both a family heirloom for all couples but a document to formalize same-sex marriages in states where there is no legal document to otherwise do so.  Jesse and I plan to create one that fits into our theme and invitation/stationary suite.  Guests can sign that they witnesses our wedding.  Then when marriage equality is achieved in Minnesota, we can just go down to City Hall and have ourselves an intimate affair.  The fact that we will get to do another wedding-related activity in the future is my silver-lining on being able to get legally married.  Two weddings!  Two accent color-schemes!  Two dress--wait, four dresses!  I'm a little out of control about it, like most things wedding. 

There a ton of really great poster ideas out there that are amazingly creative.  Here is a simple one from lovliday on Etsy.

                                                                      Source: etsy.com via Alyson on Pinterest

This is a cute idea using thumbprints.  It's from one of my all-time favorite weddings on 100 Layer Cake.  More photos can be seen here:

                                      Source: 100layercake.com via Alyson on Pinterest

The genius behind Rifle Paper, Co. has had various wedding posters show up on blogs in the past.  Here is one of her delightful creations:

                                                         Source: riflemade.squarespace.com via Alyson on Pinterest

These witness certificates slash guest books can be easily created using Word even and a few graphics from my favorite place for inspiration The Graphics Fairy.  Or you can ask a friend who draws to draw you up picture that you can scan and have printed out by a local print company.  In Minneapolis, the company I consult for has had a great experience with 7 Corners Printing on Snelling Ave. in St. Paul, MN.  And they are union to boot so if you are hoping to have a socially conscious wedding that values sustainable working conditions, you can feel good using them.  They also can help you with putting together your poster if you would like. 

BHLDN Changes Language Immediately

                                                               Source: bhldn.com via Alyson on Pinterest

Update:

Within hours of writing BHLDN to let them know that the following language on this item could be offensive to some, they changed it! Makes me love them even more! The language changed from "One for him and one for her...as it should be," to "One for him and one for her...how lovely." Though their intent was surely never malicious, language is important and it's awesome that they changed it. How lovely.

Former Post:

BHLDN, Antropologie's new Wedding Line, has just launched an amazing line of decor items. Some of them are perfect for using in your wedding. Others are great for you registry. One of the items they are selling just plain offended me. The Sweetheart Forks are a set of forks with the engraving, "Bride" and "Groom" on them. Super cute. It would be awesome if you could choose 1 Bride, 1 Groom, 2 Brides, 2 Grooms, but I think we still have a few more years before that it is a reality. Disappointing but true. I'm realist. However realist I am I still expected a little more from Anthropologie when they posted the following description under this item:

"One for him and one for her… as it should be. A hand stamped vintage set of two from Woodenhive."

I think that they were intending to make a statement about equality within a marriage, as in, each spouse has his or her own fork, but it comes off as an anti-same-sex marriage statement. I've written to them about it and will post their response as soon as I get it.

Lightbulb Terrariums

A neat little Instructable post from arte.sano with details and links on how to build various lightbulb terrariums and vases. I'm exploring alternative place cards for my wedding and planters for the Juliane James Place grounds and came upon this link.

                                                              Source: instructables.com via Alyson on Pinterest

Ideas for use include:

• v. dangerous but highly stylish mobile for over crib
• hanging from above during a nature/sciencey wedding
• place cards for a party via a cool apothecary-inspired label
• gifts for Everyone you know
• craft project for kids old enough to know to walk away from and not touch broken glass

Any additional ideas for lightbulb terrariums?

Marriage

Unknown Source of poster.  Posted by Olympic swimmer Matthew Mitcham's Facebook.

Pinterest

I have been posting a few pins from Pinterest lately without explaining how Fantastic it is!  Pinterest is a great way to catalog images and then easily upload them to your blog for further commenting.  It's a much faster way to comment on all the lovelies you interact with through you wedding searches.  For those getting married it is a Must.  You can put together your inspirations for floral, dresses, rings, you name it into their own boards.  Tons of create people are pinning their inspirations too, including a myriad of wedding professionals.  You can easily repin their pins and the source comes right along automatically.  It's like magic!

Check out my Pinterest here.  I'm still new to it so check back often to see new boards and to see new additions as I fill up the boards.

Living Wedding Decor

My amazing wedding planner Laura Mullen, of Laura Mullen Event Design pinned this image on her Pinterest recently and I just had to hunt down a few similar structures that this would work with and brainstorm on how something so lovely could fit into a wedding.

Source: poppytalk.blogspot.com via Laura on Pinterest

I think that this (potentially edible) decor could be amazing for flanking the sides of a ceremony area.  A couple could purchase or make the structures and put them on either side of the ceremony space.  Scooping up an old book or hardware store display unit on Craigslist might work well.  Keywords to use while searching could include: bookstore, "book store", book display, store display, hardware store, mercantile...and other suggestions?

I'm thinking it could be a mini and moveable version of this fantastic living wall installation at the Smog Shoppe in Culver City, CA:

Image from Sitting in a Tree Events

I've seen this wall in various blog postings about weddings at the Smog Shoppe and never realized until just now that they might just have happened to use the same Woolly Pockets detailed in the last issue of ReadyMade magazine.  The article in the last issue of ReadyMade is about how to construct a taller, privacy fence on top of an existing fence but it hits on how great they are.  And Oh Joy! has this lovely compilation  of Woolly Pockets images just ready for the reposting here.  I'm going to do some brainstorming on ways to use Wooly Pockets in weddings for a future post.

Potion Signature Drinks

How AMAZING would it be to serve your guests your signature drink it little potion bottles like this, but bigger.

When I was exploring using different bottles for favors and how to get our response cards sent back to us as objects not in envelopes, I came upon these 8.5 oz. corked bottles from Specialty Bottle Co. that would be Perfect for using for a potion signature drink.  They cost about twice as much as a rental would for glasses but add a flair that makes it worth it.  Plus these would easily keep their value and could be resold on eBay or Craigslist.  Or you could go in with other brides to purchase them. 

These fabric sticky tags from local Minnesota Etsy store KawaiiGoodies could be customized to run the height of the bottle with your initials on it.  Or you could get some of these great tags from Kibbles on Artfire that I used for our Save the Dates (in a larger version) and custom stamp your own wording on them.  You can purchase different font alphabet stamp kits here at Jo-Ann Fabrics, Michaels, and Etsy.

Source: justbesplendid.tumblr.com via Alyson on Pinterest

The Two Bride Dilemma

Around Christmas time, my Maid of Honor had the realization that that there were two brides in our wedding.  Obviously she knew that Jesse and I were both ladies.  What she hadn't thought about was that we would both be Brides.  She exclaimed this realization as I described the dress Joy Teiken of Joy Noelle in Minneapolis was making for Jesse.  Basically, she said, "Are you afraid Jesse is going to look hotter than you?"  My best friend is like an old pair of pinking sheers at times: jagged and blunt.

I had thought about this numerous times though, albeit in a different way, about how to ensure that our looks were not competing with each other and that they each captured the essence of who we are.  Choosing to go with Joy to make our dresses complement and not compete with each other was the first step.  Joy just got it.  In my first conversation on the phone with her she was like, "Oh, yeah, I've done plenty of two brides' dresses where they should look like they belong together but aren't matchy-matchy."  Hired.

I told my MOH that all I thought about when I thought about Jesse all dolled up in her dress was how beautiful she was going to look and how if you are inviting everyone you care about, some of who have not met her, it's nice to think that her beauty is so great it poses concern!  Plus, a little healthy concern about your own beauty showing through on your wedding day is good motivation to look your best too.  Especially when the woman you are marrying is strikingly beautiful.

All of this said though, this morning I was looking through through Style Me Pretty's E-Glossy Magazine featuring the Best of 2010 Weddings and I got overwhelmed.  I went downstairs to unload on Jesse while she was writing (it didn't really matter if she was fully listening) about how many beautiful things I had just seen and how overwhelmed I was.  The SMP E-Glossy had a bride who was in a dress that looks a lot like mine, there was a lot of antique silver in the photos, and a lot of brides who chose to have their maids wear different shades and styles of dresses.  All of this was affirmation that the choices I am making are A) good ones, and B) not completely epiphanies.  By the latter I mean this: I look at so many blog images that even when I come up with an idea on my own--like to solely use antique silver as serving ware for our family-style meal, I probably saw it somewhere else.  Obvious, right?  Sometimes the obvious hits you like a ton of DIY, hand-made bricks when you are a creative person.  Inspiration is why I look at all these images in the first place but I want to be able to step outside the inspiration in order to create my own wedding and ideas for future weddings I will style and coordinate.  I had a similar issue in graduate school when I was pulling together lit reviews for my various research topics.  It's hard to have an idea that you want to explore and then to pull together what has already been done around that idea and then to have to fill in the gaps where others haven't explored.  It's the same way with innovation in weddings.

As I was processing all of this with Jesse I mentioned that one thing all of these weddings had in common on SMP were that the brides were Gorgeous.  As in Drop Dead.  The brides were slim and fresh-faced and model-esque.  This of course makes me want to be as beautiful as possible as we plan to use photos from our wedding not only as keepsakes for generations to come (no pressure there At All) but also to promote Juliane James Place and my event styling business, Sota Pop.  For the hour that I looked through these pictures in the e-glossy I lost my adult mind and switched into insecure, competitive teenager mode.  So out of control.

To further add to how out of control I am I then realized that because we have two brides that if we share our wedding publicly I might not be the bride who was featured!!!  I had never considered this because my thoughts about sharing our wedding publicly (outside of business promotion directed by me) went this far: I like seeing other people's weddings--it would be great if other people got to see how cool ours is going to be.  As I was talking this out with Jesse, who was barely listening most likely as a relationship-survival mechanism, I was joking that it would be hard to explain this moment to our photographer, Eliesa, that that was the reason Jesse wasn't allowed to be in any pictures alone.  Hahaha. 

Now, it's hard to write that without laughing so hard my eyes tear up, but it hits at the serious dilemma with two brides.  A bride wants to be the center of attention to some degree and the entire event is structured around that.  So many traditions are based on this bride-as-focal-point idea.  It's complicated when there are two brides.  Things like walking down the aisle become something that needs to be decided carefully so that both brides can share the spotlight.  Luckily for me I am marrying a woman who could care less about just about everything I detailed here so I'm sure that we will have everything worked out in time for the wedding--and by worked out I mean focused on both of us with and emphasis on me.  Now if only I could do something about how great she looks in photos...

Twin Cities Bridesmaid Dress Shops, Part 1

I went a lot of stores and boutiques and did a lot of research before finally deciding what bridesmaids dresses to go with for my ladies.  Part of it was my indecisiveness and my perfectionism, part of it was wanting to get a good look at the different places to get dresses in the Twin Cities.  A huge part of it was the fact that I decided to go with different dresses in different colors for each bridesmaid.  A decision that took a considerable amount of work.  At first it seemed like perhaps this would make the process easier, because then each person could choose the best fit for her body.  Thing is that finding 3-5 colors that go well together and fit within your color palate, all from the same designer, is difficult.  I am putting up an additional post here today about the dresses I decided to go with.

I went to the following shops and have reviewed their selections below and in Part 2 of my posting on Twin Cities Bridesmaid Dress Shops:

Priscilla of Boston, Edina

After having such a nice time working with Sarah at Priscilla I emailed her to see if I could come in and take a look at bridesmaid dresses and heard back immediately from her associate that she would be in that afternoon.  I went on in and she took the time to not only show me all of their long, chiffon dresses and color swatches, but also to look through the new shipments that had come in to see if they had received a new color they just came out with.  I would recommend working with Sarah to any bride who is interested in exploring Priscilla of Boston, Vineyard Collection, or Melissa Sweet dresses in Minneapolis.

Priscilla of Boston's Edina Storefront

The best thing about Priscilla in Edina besides the staff and the lovely store set-up is that they have a huge selection, including most of the dresses offered within their three lines, and almost all of the colors in the materials they are offered in.  It's wonderful to be able to see the selection all together.  If you are like me and are choosing different colors and different dresses for your bridesmaids it's nice to be able to hang the different dresses next to one another to see how they complement each other.

I liked a few of the dress styles they had available and Loved the color gray they had for the crinkle chiffon, called Dove.  My only difficulty was nailing down whether or not the dresses would all look good together when matched with the Amsale blush color I had my heart set on from the beginning.  Trying to match colors and dress styles from different lines is a task I wouldn't recommend for those who shy away from lengthy processes.

Details:

Website

Priscilla of Boston - Edina
3926 West 50th Street
Edina, MN 55424

Phone: 952.922.2106

Rush's Bridal, Downtown Minneapolis

I called Rush's Bridal and asked if I needed an appointment to come in and take a look at dresses in their showroom and was told I did not need one if I was a bride coming in to look at dresses.  I originally wanted to be able to try on the dresses because I feel that is the way that you get the best idea of fit and draping in each of the dresses.  Although many of the fitting rooms were empty, this request was received with unease so I let it go.  I know it's odd for a bride to want to try on her bridesmaids' dresses but when your bridesmaids live across the country as mine do, I don't want to recommend them going to try on dresses that look different on the hanger than on.

Rush's selection was Huge.  They had so many designers and dresses at their location that I proceeded to pull dresses off the racks (I was the only one looking at bridesmaid dresses that day in the store) and hang them on the outside of a dressing room, where there were hooks available, so I could see the dresses next to one another.  At this point a sales associate came over to assist me because I was pulling so many dresses off to take a look at them.  I think that my process was out of the norm for the store but they seemed to be OK with it once I explained that I was looking for different color dresses in different styles for women who live in different places.

I ended up finding quite a few styles that I liked but none within the same designer line or lines that flowed together as well as I wanted the dresses to.  There were a lot of mid-range designers available at Rush's and their prices were incredible if you were buying multiples of the same dress.  The issue with bridesmaids dresses is that you usually have to buy three dresses by the same designer to get any markdown off the retail price, which is anywhere between 10-30% higher than the multiple-purchase-discount price.  I would recommend Rush's for anyone looking to get a good glimpse of a lot of different dresses and colors at a range of prices.  It would be easy to outfit your maids for less than $200 each at Rush's.


Website


Rush's Bridal - Minneapolis
927 Nicollet Avenue
Minneapolis, MN 55402

Phone: 612-343-WEDD (9333)

A Note on Vendor Reception of Same-Sex Weddings in Minnesota

Every single Twin Cities vendor I have dealt with thus far in the process of creating a wedding venue and planning my wedding has been incredibly same-sex wedding friendly.  And of course, business-wise they all would be, who wants to turn away business that has actively sought you out, but it's more than that.  It's in the way a person gets a little more excited when they realize that more same-sex couples are actively ignoring our state's lack of recognition of same-sex unions/marriages, it's there when someone wants to work with you because they want to add more gay weddings into their portfolio because it's something they believe in, and it's absolutely present within those first few milliseconds after you tell them your fiance is female and they really don't give a damn.

The latter is when you can really tell how friendly a vendor is.  And I'm not suggesting that vendors rehearse straight (no pun intended) faces in case a bride or groom reveals to them that they are marrying someone of the same gender.  I don't expect that.  It is something different to be marrying someone of the same sex, at least in Minnesota at this point in time.  The look is one of acknowledging and accepting all within the same look.  And that's what has happened thus far within all of my interactions with other business owners and wedding vendors a year into my business/wedding planning journey.  It's absolutely refreshing and it's absolutely hopeful that soon enough Minnesota will be a state with full marriage equality.

Outdoor Weddings Treats

I feel like I just fell into the Etsy baked-goods accoutrement rabbit hole...

I was perusing Etsy looking at designer cupcake liners to pizazz to outdoor weddings at Juliane James Place and came across these super cute Woodland Cookie Cutters from The Cupcake Social.

Woodland Cookie Cutters from The Cupcake Social (here)

I think the little cookie critters would look so cute with log cakes.  I think that this yule log from Martha Stewart, that I have been obsessed with since it was in Living a couple holiday seasons ago, could be easily modified to not look as Christmas-like.

Lots of little logs surrounding a bigger faux bois cake like one of these below.  Jesse and I plan to have a faux bois cake like the pink one with the anemones on it for our wedding.  

Boys Wedding Attire for Themed Weddings

One of my close friends (and bridesmaids!) is currently in labor so I have children on my mind as I dive back head first into blogging after my own wedding plans took over my blogging/general wedding research endeavors.  More on that to follow.  I firmly believe that my friend is going to have a boy so I am focusing on cute things that boys can wear for weddings that are differently-themed and that require something a little different than a traditional suit.

Check out the kid in the top right corner of this wedding (above) posted last week on 100 Layer Cake.  The couple that orchestrated this wedding is one of the most brilliant couples I have seen.  They are my new wedding inspiration.  More on that to follow to.  Well, a little here, just a little: they constructed a story complete with momentos that went out with their invites.  I heart them.  A lot.  Back to tiny outfits. 

These two cute pageboy ensembles (gray, blue) are from childrensalon.com, which may have the cutest kids clothes I've ever seen. How amazing would these be for an early-20th century theme wedding?  Or even if you just have a/the groom/s in three-piece suits and bow ties or a/the bride/s in vintage dresses.  A toddler with these little outfits with a pageboy cap on?  Amazing.  Childrensalon.com also has a Sailor Suit And a Seersucker.